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Friday, July 13

Favourites

A pretty flower from my Father's garden
A couple of weeks ago I was reading an article in the Sunday paper that said an American survey or research (can't quite remember) that a parent has a favourite child and if they don't admit it they are lying.  I have to say I completely disagree.  For me I love my daughters equally. There may be times where I get along with one of them easier than another it may be because one may have had behaviour that has challenged me more than the other, or perhaps at that point in time we have something that we both enjoy talking about so I relate more to them. In saying that I don't then have a favourite child.  I like to keep things equal, to give each child the same opportunities. It's not right to expect something from one child and not the other when the other is capable of delivering.  I don't think it's ok to give one child opportunity after opportunity without doing something for the other child.  This obvious favouritism I think it can effect the other child emotionally and it can also create resentment. Do you think that I'm wanting it to be black and white or are there grey areas in this debate? How do you feel about favouritism?

14 comments:

  1. It's an interesting though isn't it? Though I do believe that it's more the kid's that feel that the parents showed favouritism. I don't really believe that most parents would though. I think most love all their children equally. But having said that it can be difficult to share it around equally sometimes as some kid's seem to need more attention.

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  2. I'm with you. Each child has different qualities and attributes that make us love them. No more and no less than the other, just different. I don't believe in favourtism, and in fact it makes me so sad when you can actually see it evident in families. Imagine how that child must feel, knowing they just don't measure up in your eyes. Terrible.

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  3. I think that all the surveys they do is a crock of crap. And when I hear so-called experts give their opinion on certain matters, I just laugh, shake my head ... food for thought ... mostly sifted through like sand as I don't very often agree with much of what they say. Children are individuals with distinct traits and personalities. Just like we have difference relationships with our friends, we have different relationships with our children. All relationships are constantly in the midst of change and growth. My boys are complete opposites of each other. There's no way I could treat them the same, or deal with them in the same way. What I do is allow them to be themselves, teach them right from wrong and to be respectful and kind. So many parents already have a plan for their children which often doesn't match up with the needs and desires of the child. My wish is for my boys to find their way in life without me making projections for them. Wishing you a wonderful day. Tammy

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  4. interesting! there are definitely favorite things i like better in each of my kids...but love is so infinite i can love them all and still have extra love!

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  5. I remember reading something similar a few weeks back in our Sunday newspaper and thinking it was ludicrous - I think most parents would be as fair and unbiased with their children as they can be and as you say, each child is different too so each relationship is slightly different too. But the love for each child is still in equal amounts x

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  6. I totally agree with you. Sometimes behaviour and hard times with one child can wear you down but it never makes you prefer the other. I'm always trying to keep it equal too. Especially have the same sex. There's nothing more revolting than favouritism. I've seen it happen in my extended family and I've always said I'd never fall into the same trap. It's all very interesting. Prux

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  7. P.S. Sorry, forgot to say, beautiful photo and flower!

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  8. I can't answer for other mums but my three kids are as different as chalk, cheese and rainbows. They have all brought me happiness and driven me to pulling my hair out. It is impossible to say who brings the most joy. They are all a part of a whole. The family. How can you say one is better than another? Forget surveys and listen to your heart!

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  9. No favourites here either. At times I might prefer one over the other but I def. don't love one more than the other. I guess if you've got a really hard to deal with kid then it might be hard to love them as much as the other - I don't know, but you'd hope the kids would never know. I can't imagine how some parents would openly favour one child. So sad.

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  10. As a mother of four kids - all so different in everyway, I love them all equally and love they are individuals with different interests and talents. They have challenging moments which is hard but it doesn't stop me as a mother to stop loving them or having a favorite. Kids are clever and are aware if favoritism is apparent and that would be heart breaking for them. Great post Catherine! :)

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  11. I agree with you, I love both my children equally but depending on the stages they are going through there can be one that is easier to deal with than the other. Nothing to do with love but how personalities get along and how the children are behaving. Beautiful flower by the way!

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  12. I agree with you Catherine. I love both my girls with my whole heart...one is more placid than the other and so life is easier with my placid one (for now)...but that doesn't mean that she becomes a "favourite". I always want to fuss over all my children in equal measure. xx

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  13. I grew up as a teenager watching overt favouritism of my half brother over my half sister by my stepmother ( she completely mollycoddles boys) and it bothered me even then as a teenager. I strongly feel I don't feel I favour either of my children- perhaps whoever is driving me less crazy on any given day!. I do feel as my son has been such hard work and had numerous health problems that I worry for him more. melx

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  14. All has been said, I love each of my 4 children in the same fierce way, but I have to admit that it is esier to deal with those who are similar to me and have the same kind of sensitivity.
    I tried not to favour one more than the other, having experienced on my skin how favouritism can hurt.

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